Monday, February 9, 2009


this morning i was peacefully sipping my coffee when i heard a little voice coming from under the table.
...mumble mumble bloody fuckin' mumble mumble....
he sounded just the way his mama (charmingly) does when she's frustrated with something.

my son has recently become fascinated with language. he wants to know the french words for things, the synonyms for things, and when different words are appropriate. we've been trying to teach him that there are certain words, beverages and behaviours that only grown-ups get to do. (before your mind throws itself in the gutter, by 'behaviours' i mean using the stove, telling the baby not to do things, filling the bath, and staying up late)

we've rolled our eyes when he's felt the need to run around the house yelling 'penis' over and over and over. it's perfectly acceptable when he says 'what the heck. what the heck, mama!' but we have serious talks about age-appropriate language when he tells me that he just took a shit. in fact, he recently told a guest that he wasn't allowed to say hell or ass because he's just a little boy.

i realize this arrangement isn't ideal. we've been trying for more than three years to clean up our language. what i've realised is that i love swearing, and i really resent being censored, even if it's by a baby. this is just another part of the struggle between being true to my (foul-mouthed) self and doing what's best for my kids. i'm trying to find a balance, and for now being openly hypocritical seems to be what works.

in other language-related news, the baby can say 'death star' and 'yoda', but not 'juice' or 'apple'. we teach our kids right, 'round here.

fuckin' a.


  1. I roll my eyes when my tyke runs through the house screaming "penis" too. He's generally naked at the time and often wildly pats his boy bits as he screams the interesting word (by the way, doesn't that *hurt*...?!). Recently he told me something "scared the crap" out of and I realized I wasn't doing such an awesome job of censoring myself, either.

  2. If it makes you feel any better, they'll pick up those words anyway. If it's not from you it's from the babysitter or someone at the grocery store. At least you're teaching him the difference between child-appropriate and grown-up-appropriate behavior. Some people let their kids do whatever the hell they want and then yell when the kids embarrass them in public.