my funniest cooking mishap
in grade 12 my best friend was annie*. annie was the cutest person i have ever met. she was tiny and had dimples and pink dreadlocks. she looked just like strawberry shortcake, but funkier. because of her appearance no one really took annie seriously, which is good, because she did waaaaay too many drugs and her brains were addled.
one day when my parents were out we decided to make cookies. we made cookies or cakes almost every day because annie was hypoglycemic and so got high off sugar. she was fun high and it was a cheap high, so we became excellent bakers.
the recipe said to soften the butter and also said to preheat the oven. we decided to kill two birds with one stone and soften the butter in the preheating oven. annie put a huge block of butter in a small bowl and stuck it in the oven.
a while later we began to wonder why the room was full of smoke. then the smoke detector went off. while i was taking the batteries out of the smoke detector i noticed flames in the oven. oops.
i knew not to open the oven and give the fire oxygen, but it's hard to think straight when your friend is running in tiny circles shrieking. so i called 911.
911: 911, what is your emergency?
me: DON'T send a fire truck, but what do i do if my oven is on fire?
911: can you see flames?
me: yes.
911: inside or outside the oven?
me: inside, and i haven't opened the oven door.
911: and you're sure you don't want the fire department?
me: YES, but what do i do? the flames are getting bigger!
911: have you turned off the oven?
me:... oh, yeah...
911: is everyone ok there? who's screaming?
me: uh, no one. i gotta go. thanks.
*hangs up*
a couple of hours later my parents got home and wanted to know why all the windows and doors were open in the dead of winter. i told them the house was too warm. they wanted to know why i hadn't turned down the heat instead. annie, high on sugar, giggled and started twirling around like a ballerina. she made a good diversion.
*her name wasn't really annie, but i don't want her, wherever she is, to google her own name and find this post since it's not all that flattering.
one day when my parents were out we decided to make cookies. we made cookies or cakes almost every day because annie was hypoglycemic and so got high off sugar. she was fun high and it was a cheap high, so we became excellent bakers.
the recipe said to soften the butter and also said to preheat the oven. we decided to kill two birds with one stone and soften the butter in the preheating oven. annie put a huge block of butter in a small bowl and stuck it in the oven.
a while later we began to wonder why the room was full of smoke. then the smoke detector went off. while i was taking the batteries out of the smoke detector i noticed flames in the oven. oops.
i knew not to open the oven and give the fire oxygen, but it's hard to think straight when your friend is running in tiny circles shrieking. so i called 911.
911: 911, what is your emergency?
me: DON'T send a fire truck, but what do i do if my oven is on fire?
911: can you see flames?
me: yes.
911: inside or outside the oven?
me: inside, and i haven't opened the oven door.
911: and you're sure you don't want the fire department?
me: YES, but what do i do? the flames are getting bigger!
911: have you turned off the oven?
me:... oh, yeah...
911: is everyone ok there? who's screaming?
me: uh, no one. i gotta go. thanks.
*hangs up*
a couple of hours later my parents got home and wanted to know why all the windows and doors were open in the dead of winter. i told them the house was too warm. they wanted to know why i hadn't turned down the heat instead. annie, high on sugar, giggled and started twirling around like a ballerina. she made a good diversion.
*her name wasn't really annie, but i don't want her, wherever she is, to google her own name and find this post since it's not all that flattering.
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that cooking blog is freakin gold.
ReplyDeleteand i flove that you called 911... haha
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