i'll get to it eventually

i had intended to write a review for miriam toews' the flying troutmans, but there has been a change of plans. my baby is sick. i've put down my book and my knitting and curled around his little body, feeling the heat radiate off him and hearing his laboured breathing and terrible cough. he has thrown up on me six times in the last 24 hours, and i'm sure he's not done. he has a droning cry that goes on and on, he's limp and he freaks out if i so much as shift in my seat. it's time to just sit and wait. and so i sit and wait.

today has brought some wonderful things. my friends are amazing; i will never feel alone with them posting photoshopped boob shots of themselves and insulting my mom. my partner has brought me indian food, chocolate croissants, mandarin oranges, very strong coffee, towels and change after change of clothes.

the thing that i contemplate the most as i spend hour after hour with the little guy is how wonderful this is. when my older son was this age he got sick every single week. he weighed nothing. i was almost fired because we constantly had to stay home from daycare because of his sicknesses. my baby, on the other hand, has no chronic medical issues. he has had colds a handful of times in his year and a half. he is a hefty little person. he(normally) laughs and dances and tries to keep up with his brother. a few days of congested misery i can handle.

i'll get you that review sooner or later.

book review: the 351 books of irma arcuri

the 351 books of irma arcuri by david bajo

math, literature and sex dovetailed in a tight, complex narrative. the rare kind of book where if the reader zones out for a few minutes she needs to go back and re-read what she missed. not (always) because it makes gaps in the plot, but because otherwise she will miss out.

the writer obviously thinks, obviously reads, and obviously fucks. there is not a word of falsehood in this book - everything it contains has been felt and seen and experienced, and can be again.

it is my hope that this book is considered literature by the finest sort of readers, a century or two from now.

holiday music extravaganza

until recently i hated the holidays. they sucked when i was a kid, so i have very few positive memories of christmas. i've dreaded the expense, the fuss, the disappointment... overall i've just wished that december didn't happen.

i don't want that for my kids. i want them to love the holidays and to remember them as the best time, ever, when they're older. so i've had to get over my christmas-related negativity and get into the spirit. i may have gone overboard. it's been nonstop holiday cheer here since december 1, and i've been planning since october. a homemade advent calendar, daily holiday activities, a mountain of recipes for gluten free cookies...

and music. the christmas music starts each morning around 9 and doesn't stop until the babes go to bed. i've tried to have the longest, most diverse playlist possible to avoid holiday music fatigue, but i'm pretty sick of it already. i feel like i'm trapped in a mall in december. i need to add in some new stuff and mix it up.

i have:

• joy electric (synth-pop-techno, irritatingly and unrelentingly cheerful)
• boney m
• the vienna boys' choir
• the ramones
• jack johnson
• frank sinatra
• the mormon tabernacle choir
• otis redding
• john lennon
• nat king cole
• some big band stuff
• and i'm downloading some sufjan stevens on the recommendation of soulemama

what else can i add? mama needs a change, babies!

product review: olympus fe-220

today i'll review my camera, the olympus fe-220.

DO NOT BUY THIS CAMERA. IF YOU SEE IT, RUN FAR, FAR AWAY. DO NOT BE TAKEN IN BY ITS PRETTY BLUE EXTERIOR. THAT MATTE BLUE CASING HOLDS A BAD, BAD CAMERA. DO NOT BUY THIS CAMERA.

so yeah, my camera is broken again. piece of shit. i've had it since april and it's been broken more often than it's been functioning during that time. it's still under warranty, but no matter how often i send it back, it just breaks again and again. i know exactly what doesn't work - the slot that fits the usb cable is really flimsy. the little thingie inside breaks so the usb cable can't connect. so they replace that part and return my camera, but then it breaks again within days of getting it back. i suggested that they just replace the piece of shit, but no. and it costs me 10$ in shipping every time i return it for servicing, so my bargain of a camera is becoming less of a bargain.

even if it didn't break all the time, it's not a good camera. it can't handle low light, takes blurry pictures most of the time, and it's not user friendly. of course, these annoyances are irrelevant since the stupid thing doesn't work. what i'm saying is that even if the camera weren't inherently defective, i still wouldn't like it.

fo'shizz, don't buy it.

book review: rapture ready

i recently read rapture ready by daniel radosh, and it was good.

basically, a jewish writer explored the alternate universe that is christian pop culture. i liked it for many reasons:

• it was a blast from the past. as a teenager i was steeped in christian pop culture. if music was secular or a book mentioned inappropriate topics i had to enjoy it secretly. as an alumni of christian youth culture, i can tell you that radosh was spot-on with his observations. also very evenhanded, given the occasional ridiculousness of his subject.
• he's a fantastic writer. he has the rare gift of being able to step back and let people tell their own stories. huge chunks of the book are simply quotes from people he was interviewing. instead of taking what he was told by all these people and writing things up from his point of view, he just recorded their words. it made the book seem more objective and made the people he met easier to relate to - i could hear their voices and understand where they were coming from. yes, a christian pro wrestling circuit is ridiculous from almost anyone's standpoint, but after hearing from the guy in charge, i understood why he felt what he was doing was important.
• the writer's jewish perspective added to my understanding of the world of christian culture. there were so many things that i took for granted when i was younger, then forgot when i became an apostate, but now i see them through daniel's culturally sensitive eyes and i realize how bigoted and hurtful so many evangelical assumptions and attitudes are. if he had been writing from a secular or christian viewpoint i would have probably failed to notice some of the institutionalized xenophobia.
• it's laid out so clearly. each chapter is about one area of christian pop culture. the whole thing is arranged like an essay, but with chapters instead of paragraphs. it's all very clear and informative and definitley entertaining. it's similar in subject to a j jacobs' year of living biblically, but with less emphasis on the humour and the personal, and more emphasis on a comprehensive understanding of the topic on hand. radosh's clarity makes jacobs' writing seem like a chaotic mishmash. which it is not.
• the faux-interview with stephen baldwin. freaking awesome. if you can't afford this book, just walk into a bookstore and turn to page 143 and read to the end of the chapter, piss your pants laughing, and walk back out.
• it really is very funny, with flashes of dry humour and some outright silliness. don't let my extended ranting about the way he takes his subject seriously make you think that it isn't a fantastically funny book.

overall, i give the book ***** out of five stars. two thumbs up. i only wish it could have been longer.

coming to you from the upstairs bedroom

i'm naked.

for as long as i've known him, my partner has talked about how what he really wants to do with his life is... um... he's asked that i not tell anyone his hobby. so we'll call it roller skating. so, yeah. he's always felt that his true calling is to roller skate. he's read about it, thought about it, taken the odd tentative step with roller skates on... mostly he's just talked about how much he'd like to roller skate. to be honest, after the first couple years of him being all talk and no action, i started nodding and zoning out when he mentioned roller skating.

this past week he surprised me. he actually put on some skates and did it. and he did it really, really well. like a roller skating olympian. i was deeply impressed, and more than that, really excited that he'd taken the initiative and actually done something about his passion.

since then he's been obsessed, in the way that only someone who's feeling inspired can be, with roller skating. everything reminds him of it. he keeps coming up with new, great ideas related to roller skating, and he rushes off to write them down so he doesn't forget. i've never seen him like this, and i really like it.

the trouble is, he can only roller skate alone. he can't do it with the kids around or with me in the room. he works 50 or so hours a week, but it's all night shifts so he's sleeping during the day a lot of the time. this leaves me alone with the kids all night and all day, 4 or 5 days a week. i get them food, change them, entertain them, clean up after them... i might get half an hour without them in a typical day, but that's only if i cut into my sleeping time. and i don't get much sleeping time, since both kids are miserably bad sleepers.

can you see how my partner having an exciting new (time consuming, solitary) hobby is a problem?

yesterday he kept sneaking off when i wasn't paying attention. in the end the day was a lot like the ones i have when he's sleeping. i wasn't particularly impressed. then last night he informed me that he'd be staying up late roller skating, sleeping in, roller skating, and napping before work. (he works tonight)

um, hell no.

so when the kids woke up at 6 i came upstairs (he sleeps up here during the day, and lately at night, too, so he can roller skate) and sent him down to care for his children. it's almost 10 am and my stomach is rumbling. i desperately want coffee. but more than that, even, i want a break from my kids.

so i took my clothes off (he can't coerce me into doing childcare when i'm not wearing anything, right?) (plus i haven't been naked just for the fun of it in about two years. it feels good) and pulled out the laptop and will stay here until the hunger pangs force me downstairs again.

later, when the baby is napping, i'll take the boy outside to play and shovel the walk. then my partner can work on his roller skating... until the baby wakes up.

i spend enough time alone with kids. i'm not going to become a roller skating widow. grrrrr.

signing off,
that naked chick

(no, kara, this post does not have pictures)

souper!

we've been eating a lot of soup lately. it's cheap and filling and hot, and we're poor and (at dinnertime) hungry and cold. we've had rabbit soup, chili, and cheese, potato and broccoli soup this week. i'm going to share the cheese, broccoli and potato soup recipe with you.

note: all measurements and times are approximate since i hate measuring and timing things.

you will need:

• potatoes
• milk
• water
• broccoli
• cheese
• salt
• pepper

1. peel and chop up 4 - 6 potatoes
2. put them in a pot with 1/2 milk and 1/2 stock (soymilk and ricemilk don't work very well for this. i had to go to the store and get the smallest milk i could find. i haven't bought milk in at least a year. it felt odd.) (i used water instead of stock, it was fine)
3. simmer until the potatoes are cooked. simmer time depends on how small you chopped your taters. a lid on the pot is helpful.
4. while they're simmering chop up 1-2 cups of broccoli very fine. also shred about a cup of cheese. i like sharp cheddar, personally. and i used 2 cups of cheese because i'm a cheese fiend, but i don't think it needed it.
5. take about a cup of potatoes out of the pot and set them aside.
6. dump the contents of the pot into the blender and puree.
7. put the glop back into the pot. it's hard to get it out of the blender, since it's thick, so add some milk and slosh it around until you can get most of it out.
8. add the broccoli to the pot and as much milk as you need to keep it the right consistencey. i had to keep adding milk because it kept getting too thick.
9. cook the soup for a few minutes. less than 10, probably.
10. add in the potatoes you set aside before in step 5.
11. cook for another couple of minutes.
12. add in the cheese, plus some pepper and maybe some salt.
13. take it off the heat.
14. stir in the beautifully melting cheese.
15. serve right away, possibly with these biscuits.
16. enjoy!

see, i made it look all complicated and hard because i gave it 16 steps, but in reality it's very fast, easy, and idiotproof. and delicious. did i mention delicious?

productiveness

i finally have my camera back and so i can tell you about some of the stuff i've been doing for the past few months.i did mountains of canning and freezing all through the summer and fall. our house's corners are stacked with jars with pickles, jam, tomato sauce, and more. the freezer is crammed with tomatoes, rabbits, and half a pig. the above picture was taken in the fridge just now. the jam was opened this week, the pickles opened yesterday. it's the universe's best jam, in my humble opinion. chunky and tart and flavourful and just the right consistency. i've been hunting for excuses to eat more of it. finding a spoon is a good enough excuse, in my book.
i don't personally like pickles, but i made 11 litres of them for my partner, because he's a pickled food fanatic. we opened the first jar yesterday and he says they're the best pickles he's ever had. i believe him, since he sat down with a fork and ate half the jar right then.
i won't show you the frozen rabbit meat. you're welcome, kara.

we butchered the baby rabbits, then talked about it for about a month, and ended up butchering the adults, too. raising rabbits inside the house isn't really a great idea, it turns out. it's cool because we get local, ethical, affordable meat and we're more self-sufficent, but the flies and the stink are less cool. we'll definitley do it again when we a better setup, like a heated, ventilated garage or a well-sheltered outdoor spot.

my little guys went as yoda and luke this halloween. of course, i made their costumes. it was fantastic. we went to a party and they cuted all over the place. i went as the virgin mary, complete with an immaculate heart, but we have no pictures of that.

we made a christmas tree yesterday. we needed to have an invincible tree, since the baby is a destruct-o-bot, so here it is: green wrapping paper taped to the wall. it's actually really cool because the little dudes can make as many paper ornaments as they like and we can tape them on. it's very modern-looking in this picture, but it's already kindergarten-esque, with crayon and paint-decorated circles all over it. by solstice the green will be almost completely covered, i predict.


i've been knitting like a madwoman, lately. so many presents, so little time! the slipper has a sheepskin insole and recycled denim sole. i'm very proud of how it turned out. my right index finger, though, is suffering. pushing a tiny sewing needle through all those layers savaged it. hopefully it's healed by tomorrow, in time to sew the other slipper.
i'm making socks for my boy. he's always asking me to make him socks, so he'll be happy. i'm making them out of cotton (dishcloth cotton, the bulky-ish kind) so i can just throw them in the wash. worsted weight toddler socks sure take a lot less time than fingering-weight adult socks. i could get used to projects that take only a couple of hours.
the hat is for my sister in law. right at the end i ran out of yarn and had to unravel the beginnings of a glove i was making to get more yarn. it kept tangling and knotting... i was up really late last night finishing it. she'd better like it, is all i'm saying.

i've done about 10 other small knitting projects, too, but i don't have pictures, so i won't bore you about them.

what have you been making?

feminine product reviews

happy buy nothing day! it's a holiday that everyone can enjoy, regardless of income. no purchase necessary!

contrary to the spirit of buy nothing day, i have a couple of product reviews for you.


no matter how opposed a gal is to accumulating stuff, once a month or so she's going to need a few accessories.
(as a side note, if you can't imagine what you'd do without menstrual products maybe you should donate to goods 4 girls, a charity that distributed cloth pads to girls in africa so they can attend school all month long. they're cool because they take both cash donations and handmade cloth pads, so people who don't have money can just sew some pads and make a big difference in a girl's life)

first, the keeper. i love my keeper. it's similar to a tampon in that it's internal, but better than a tampon in that it isn't a health hazard, holds more, is reusable, causes a lighter flow, is cheaper, is generally more comfortable*... i like it. there are a few different types of reusable menstrual cups. the divacup is another popular brand. the keeper is a little sturdier, the divacup squishes more easily. i suspect that i'd prefer a divacup for that reason, but i'm not about to trash my perfectly good keeper or go out and buy another. it's not like i can use more than one at a time, right? and the keeper is made in the states, so it's more ethical. either item is pretty freaking ethical, though. and economical. and environmentally friendly. look at this.

the downsides:
it sometimes seems to exacerbate cramps. i guess the walls of the cup push back against painful muscles or something. either way, when i'm really crampy i take it out.
public bathrooms can be a problem. i like to rinse it out and put it back in whenever i pee, which is hard to do in a little stall. i've found ways around this, like finding smaller, one-toilet bathrooms, but it is a little inconvenient.


the pros outweigh the cons by a lot.


but any girl who's ever had a period will tell you that accidents happen. regularly. and a reusable cup is no different from a tampon in that it can only hold so much. i generally prefer to have some extra lining in my underwear for my cycle, to keep me from needing to throw out perfectly good undies because of stains.

that's where this comes in:my organic cotton/ hemp pads from claire de lune. they're so ridiculously soft, i want to rub them on my face all day long. instead, i let my crotch enjoy them. and they are definitley enjoyable. after using cloth i could never use a scratchy, stinky, gross disposable pad. more common are lunapads or mother and maiden pads, but i prefer the smaller sellers on etsy and other places, since the prices and the customer service tend to be better. i throw my cloth in the diaper pail, but lots of other women just throw them in the wash with everything else. claire de lune says this in her store:

~Care~
Find a medium sized Tupperware container or buy a funky teapot to use as a soaking pot. This will reduce staining and keep you from having to launder everyday.
Hand or machine wash. I like washing by machine with like colors in cold-warm water. Cold will preserve the flannel better.
Tumble dry hang on your line!
If you are worried about staining try throwing in a natural oxybooster.

personally i'm not that worried about having a stain here or there. that's what they're for, right? and i spend less time rubbing them on my face when they're less than pristine.

*many women find cups to be uncomfortable until they trim the stem. trim the stem, baby!

the stuff that ledgends are made of

every so often at social gatherings someone will come up to me and ask me if i really wore a diaper full of sub sauce. people i don't know. complete strangers have heard of my fame, my derring-do. and i have to answer yes.

here is my story.

years ago i was living in a house with a bunch of people, working at subway, spending most of my time drinking coffee and wandering around with my friends.
my favourite of said friends was this punk who had recently moved there from ontario. he had a great sense of humour, awesome tattoos, and my skin tingled whenever i accidentally brushed against him. i really liked his eyes. we spent hours wandering the city together, looking at cool houses and big trees, talking... but we were not an item. not interested. no sir.

it came time for me to leave. i'd had enough of living in that city and was going to mexico. i didn't plan on returning to that particular city, since the world was my oyster and, to quote kimya dawson,

I've had this itchin in my shoes since I was just a little kid

but i was bummed about leaving my friend behind. but no guy is worth getting stuck in some disustingly cold city for winter, right? um, yeah....

so back to the story. we decided we needed to do something awesome and insane together so we'd never forget one another. we grabbed some adult diapers from a hospital and i took a big bag of chunky ranch sub sauce from my work and we made memories, replicating the toddler experience.

i shouldn't have refrigerated the sub sauce.

we were sitting in my kitchen, playing cards. he wore just a diaper, lots of tattoos, and even more body hair. i wore a diaper and a t-shirt. chunky ranch sauce was running down our legs. the slime was oozing into places that no condiment should go. there was a knock at the door, and i made him answer it. i hadn't told him that my parents were arriving that day from oregon, a three day drive. i hadn't told them that a scary-looking dude in a diaper would be answering the door. i hadn't seen them for a year. i stayed in the kitchen for a moment and snickered, then went to the door to rescue my poor friend.

we were married two years later.