conspiracy theory #175388

my mother and mother in law both want me to have an eating disorder, i swear.

i'm not very wide at all. i'm 5'8 and somewhere between 120 and 130. i've got a post-baby gut, but so what?!? apparently it's a huge deal.

first of all, my mom: she lives with mental health issues. one way of telling how she's faring is seeing how big she thinks i am. this year for christmas she made me a pair of pj bottoms. i sent her my measurements, even. but she thinks i lie when i send her measurements (she's pretty much said so) and so made them about four inches too big in the waist. i'm very, very used to sizing things down after so many years of oversized clothes. i'm not going to grow into them, ma.

once when she was doing really badly she made me some overalls that would be loose on a 350 pound man. they were awesome otherwise, though. electric blue with a yellow star appliquéd on the arse and huge bellbottoms. too bad i could have easily fit 3 of me in them.

then there's my mother in law. she has no mental health issues that i am aware of. but she feels the need to help me slim down. she's asked me when i plan to lose my baby fat. and when she brings plates of hors d'oeuvres and dainties and squares and whatnot into a room of people and passes them around i somehow get missed - every single time. and if i work up the nerve to go get myself some lunch from the kitchen she stands there and watches me as i load up my plate, then watches me eat it, eyebrows raised.

should i be taking this personally??


oh, and santa loves me. this was by a long shot my best christmas ever as far as getting cool stuff. and i still have things back home to open. i'm listening to my fancy new ipod as i type this.