guest post: daffodylic tells a tale

and now, my friends, i bring you your weekly guest blog:

One Weird Day + Easy Hummus

My weird day started in my afternoon writing class; the lesson of the day was “The Topic Sentence” so I was doing my thing up in front of the class, writing notes on the sticky old white board that smears when I try to wipe it. With Valentine's Day just behind us, I chose Love to brainstorm on the board to illustrate the process of writing that perfect topic sentence. We needed to narrow the topic, so we discussed types of love. The class discussion went haywire, so I redirected... “Family love, folks. Family love is a type of love. What's another type of love?” Friends, ah yes. Students typically come up with that one on their own. OK, last one. My brain willed the students just to come up with what my students come up with every semester: Romantic love. Come on folks... it's not that hard....

“SELF love!” Shouted a greasy, squinty-eyed boy who sits to the right. The class twittered, and I had to keep my facial expression blasé and unimpressed. I try not to over-guide my students during class discussions, but I went ahead and gave them the “Romantic Love” bit. Coming back to the family section, I asked what kinds of family love there were. I received the typical answers: Parents, siblings, kids....Mr. Self-Love tried to interject his point of view of masturbation being “family love” but we all ignored him. Friends went smoothly. However, when we got to the “Romantic Love” section, a clueless older student who sits in the back called out, “PETS!” There was a moment of painful, awkward silence before the class roared with laughter.

“Uh... romantic love, Al. We shouldn't have romantic love for our animals. Perhaps pet love could go under family...” I might have stammered through my response. It's possible. The class was rapidly getting out of control. Self-romantic-love came back up, and I guided the discussion again... the example I give every semester....

Puppy love.

The class howled. Exasperated, I tossed my almost-dried-out dry erase marker down on the desk and explained, “Puppy love, class, is infatuation.”

I tried to rein them in, I really did. I took our brainstorming and tried to relate it back to creating the topic sentence, which I had to give them because they were too obsessed with discussing masturbation and bestiality.

I broke down. I took the coward's way out: Book work and early release. Weird freaking class.

I deserved a little break. A treat. Ah yes, a peppermint latte from the campus coffee shop. I'm friendly with the girl who works there, and as soon as she sees me come in, she starts the espresso machine and pulls out the bottle of peppermint. We chatted amicably – “How are your classes going?” and “Your students behaving themselves?” Nice, normal small talk. She frothed milk and pumped peppermint into a cup.

She stopped suddenly, “That's it! I know who you remind me of! The girl on Step by Step, that old sitcom. You remind me of the tomboy, cool sister!” She looked back to an older gentleman sitting in the back of the shop. “Don't you think so?”

He stood up. He had a cane that he used lightly to walk over to the counter where I stood waiting for my perfectly normal peppermint latte.

“Hmm. First, you should make that latte a double espresso.” He winked at the attendant. She re-started the machine. “And let's see... I never watched Step by Step. I think you resemble...” He stepped close and peered into my face. My latte (er... double espresso) was ready, and I just wanted to pick it up and sit on a bench in the sun and forget my weird day for a few minutes.

“Ah yes, I know who you look like, but to be sure...” He stepped even closer and touched my cheek, turning it gently and almost caressing. “Leah Thompson. Admittedly, though ma'am, I just wanted the chance to touch your cheek.”

I laughed nervously, grabbed my coffee, said polite thank yous and goodbyes, and went to go find a park bench.

OK, first my class goes out of control talking about inappropriate topics, then some old guy caresses my cheek in a coffee shop. I think we need to chalk this one up to a weird day. So I went home and made hummus because there really is nothing else to do when discussions and conversations and encounters turn bizarre.

Daffodyllic Hummus

• 1 cup (or so) cooked chickpeas.
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 1 tsp cumin
• hand-squeezed juice of one lemon
• A few grinds of sea salt, to taste
• 3 tbsp olive oil

Blend it all in a food processor or blender until it is the consistency you like. Put in pretty bowl and garnish with a tsp of olive oil in the center and paprika sprinkled over the top. Enjoy with freshly toasted pita triangles. And try to forget your weird day.

recipe: gluten free spanikopitas

last night we hosted a stuff white people like-themed party. there was fondue, ugly sweaters, california rolls, granola cookies, science fiction references, cbc radio, and a lot of witty comments. white people like themed parties.

without fail, the day after a good party i feel mopey and antisocial. it may be my passive-aggressive way of avoiding having to do the cleanup, but i always want to be left the hell alone after a good shindig. today was no exception. i've spent the day trying to dodge human interaction, with mixed results. the day is finally over, the babies are asleep, my partner has quit with the friendly overtures, and i get to sit by myself and drink some leftover wine. bliss.

~*~

i feel bad for so rarely remembering to write down my gluten free recipes. if a person liked spending a pile of cash on hard-to-find ingredients that made so-so food, they'd find that the internet is a treasure trove. for people who want something tastier and less expensive, not so much. i've had to make things up as i go along and improvise substitutions to make my favourite recipes acceptable for little mr g. f. so here's my recipe for gluten free spanikopitas. (spanakopitas? i never know how to spell that)

really, this is just a regular spanikopita recipe, heavily canadianized, with one major modification that makes it gluten free. please go ahead and alter this to fit your preferences and fridge contents, it's a versatile enough idea that you can really do whatever you like with it.

first, take these:
feta cheese, chopped spinach, pepper, eggs, dill, and cheddar. the cheddar is my very canadian addition, if you prefer a more authentic taste, skip it. similarly, i really like dill, but people often prefer oregano and other more greek herbs. add in chopped tomatoes and sauteed onions if you like.

i like to just wing it, so the quantities pictured above are not accurate. you want the mixture to be gloppy but not runny, and nicely cohesive. i used 500 grams of spinach, half the feta, one of the chunks of cheddar, both eggs, ~1 tsp of dill and ~1 tsp of pepper. it could have used more pepper. the quantities are really up to you, so long as it isn't runny you're good.

next, get:
a package of rice paper, (also called rice wraps, available at asian groceries or the asian aisle of a big grocery store. these usually cost less than 3$ for two or three batches of spanikopita, hella cheaper than phyllo) a bowl of superhot water, and your nicely gloppy mixture. the water should be in a round bowl or pot that's big enough to hold the rice paper.

this is the tricky part. (but not trickier than using phyllo) dip one sheet of the rice paper in the water and leave it there for a few seconds while it softens. the colder the water the longer it takes to soften. then pull it out and lay it down carefully. if the paper touches itself it will stick. if the whole thing clumps up into a sticky, unusable mass, put it back in the water and try again. if all goes right, you should have a more or less flat circle of sticky, wet rice paper on your counter, like this:

as pictured, put a bit of your glop in the middle. the amount is up to you: do you want bite-sized snacks or meal-sized turnovers? then fold it up into a neat package, being careful to leave some space inside the package. if it's too tight the cooking contents have nowhere to expand and your spanikopita will spill all over the pan. it's less appetizing when that happens.

place your bundles of deliciousness on a greased cookie sheet. they don't expand when they cook so they can be really close to one another, but don't let them touch or you'll end up with siamese twins. er, um, conjoined multiples. whatever.
bake them with whatever else you're putting in the oven, checking them every so often. when the rice paper is hard and the bits of cheese that have spilled out are getting golden and tasty-looking, they're done. i've never personally cooked them on their own and i suspect that baking time depends on the amount of goop in each spanikopita, but i'd say you could probably put them in at 375 for at least 20 minutes.

i know my instructions are hard to fit on a recipe card, and i'm sorry. but this is how i cook and i have a really hard time translating my vague, guesstimation-based cooking style into something succinct. probably why i'll never write a cookbook.

anyways, they're tasty and gluten free. and if you get feta made with goat milk, they're lactose free. i hope you enjoy them. i think i'll go pull some party leftovers out of the fridge now, thinking about these tasty little bundles has made me hungry.

making everything except news. and babies. and some other stuff.

things have been pretty business-as-usual around here. we've stayed holed up at home as much as possible, given the ridiculous cold outside.
i'm planning a trip to toronto with the kids in april and so am already scheming what to get at ikea. it's an illness, i can't help it.
my baby has been singing the star wars theme song (very off key and off tune, unbearably cute) and is obsessed with yoda. we only have one book with a picture of yoda, so he carries it around with him all the time, open to the page with his hero, and crows 'yaya! yaya!'. i want to bottle up his sweetness and keep it forever.

i forgot to post about it at the time, but in december i made this cape for my boy's friend's birthday. i'm pretty pleased with it. it's a cut up t shirt, with the star made out of old jeans. so it's 99% recycled materials. (the 1% is the embroidery thread. i'm not that hardcore)
my son has one of these and he loves it. he wears it all the time. they're so simple to make, and bring such joy to little people. i am definitley a fan of the diy cape.
the cape is being modeled by my baby, who, as of last night, is nightweaning. it's either that or get him a cow to sleep under so he can drink all night. i'm not willing to be his night cow any longer. the kid plays hard all day and goes to bed starved, and so nurses all night. he's 18 months old. old enough to eat during the day and let his mama sleep at night. he is firmly anti-nightweaning. he's made his opinion known. he expressed it all night last night and i'm sure he will again tonight. we'll probably have a desperately miserable week, but then much, much better sleep after that. until he gets a cold and i feel bad for him and so nurse him at night and we have to re-nightwean him. seriously, it never ends. never.


warning: this is not a giant wool condom, no matter what kara tells you. that is not a reservoir tip. it will not prevent pregnancy or sti's. please do not attempt intercourse with it.
actually, i'm making myself a hat. the lace socks, while fabulous looking, have gotten tedious so i decided to break it up with a quick, easy project. i don't much like my current toque (americans call them beanies or watchcaps. i'm not american) so i'm making one with this beautiful green yarn. it will have earflaps. i might even line it with microfleece, depending. i hate sewing, but added warmth is welcome when the forecast is for -55 tomorrow.

for dinner tonight we had my incredible, famous, delicious spicy orange tofu. it's my favourite way to cook tofu and no matter how much i make there are never leftovers. and you're in luck, i'm going to share the recipe.

phenomenal spicy orange tofu

1. start your rice cooking. use 1/2 water and 1/2 orange juice if you want it to be extra delicious. use all the spices listed below if you want to fall over with pleasure when you eat your meal.

2. chop a block of drained tofu into bite sized pieces. rabbit or chicken work well with this, too, i guess, but then you'd have to change the name, and that might get complicated. it's best to stick to tofu. anyways, saute the tofu (or whatever) in some oil, with garlic and/or onions if you're so inclined.

3. while the tofu becomes golden and delicious (or the meat cooks, i guess, you bloodthirsty carnivore) mix together

• 2/3 cups of orange juice
• 1 tsp paprika
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 2 tsp brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• salt
• cayenne (if kids and wimps are eating this limit yourself to 1/4 tsp of cayenne, if you're making it for me use at least 1 tsp, preferrably more)
• chopped veggies (whatever you have around. today i had nothing in the fridge so i used frozen peas, carrots & corn, and that was fine) (beets do not taste good in this meal)

4. when the tofu is perfectly cooked pour in the juice & spice & veggie over the tofu, and stir until everything is nicely mixed. cover it and let it simmer for a bit, stirring every now and then.
5. take the lid off when the tofu has soaked up the sauce. let it simmer for another minute or two, just to thicken it.
6. serve with the rice.

mmmmmmm.

a recipe from above.

i have a friend. she doesn't know about this blog so i can't use any identifying details, but lets just say that she's pure of heart and righteous of spirit. she was chosen as a sacred vessel... maybe i should tell this story.

so my friend was doing something sacred and chaste like singing hymns or doing laundry or facebooking or something, when an angel of the lord appeared to her.


'be not afraid!' the angel thundered reassuringly. 'you have been chosen by the mightiest of deities to deliver his/her manhattan chowder recipe to the people of the world!'

then a glowing scrap of paper appeared in her hands. my friend's holy eyes scanned the paper and said 'oh, cool, i have all the ingredients.... um, except the clams. i'll get some when i pick the kids up from school. thanks!' but when she looked back up the angel was gone, and when she looked back down the paper had stopped glowing and she noticed that it was part of the envelope from an unsolicited credit card offer that had come in the mail the day before. the supreme deity reuses before recycling, my friend mused.

that night she made the soup. it was quick and easy and tasted good. the next day she heated up some of the leftovers, and it was freaking awesome. she tried it cold, and it was perfectly edible. 'so,' she thought to herself, 'this is a soup that tastes better the next day.'

my friend smiled to herself.

in the coming weeks my friend made the soup often, and it was always well recieved, even by her son, who is an insanely picky eater. (i've babysat him, and the kid likes cooked spaghetti noodles with a little parmesan cheese on them as a meal. nothing else.)

the holidays came and my friend and her family were planning to travel to visit family. my friend emptied her fridge of perishables (sushi! milk! lettuce!) and brought them to my house, since we were in the middle of our month-long illness. included in the bounty was a sour cream container with leftover manhattan clam chowder.

that night, in between the boy crying himself to sleep and the baby waking up covered in puke, i sat down with the container of soup, cold. i couldn't risk the microwave waking up the little sickos, but i hadn't eaten anything all day, since it had been a hellish nonstop sickfest. and the glory of the soup was revealed unto me. and deliciousness and wholesome fillingness shone around.

i bribed another friend to finangle the recipe for me, and made it last night. here it is.

chop and fry in a bit of oil:

• a medium onion
• 1 cup of chopped celery
• a clove or two of garlic
  

when onion translucent, add:

• a potato or three, cubed
• 2 cups of boiling water or stock

simmer for ~15 minutes or until potatoes are tender.
then add:

• 1-2 cups of chopped up tomatoes and liquid
• 1 can of clams with liquid
• 1t thyme
• salt and pepper to taste

simmer another 10 minutes.

we love seafood 'round these parts, so i used two cans of clams and their juice, minus the several that i ate straight out of the can while making it. you can never have enough clams. that's my motto. i also used a whole huge jar of tomatoes. and an extra potato. so i guess i doubled the recipe or something. that's fine, double the sanctity! more food from less cooking!

so cook it! enjoy it! and when you copy it out into your recipe box, title it 'divine manhattan clam chowder sent from above', ok?

a lazy sunday: book review, recipe & photos

yesterday it was -40 and my partner was stuck at work, thanks to car trouble. so from the time we woke up until bedtime, the boys and i were on our own, housebound. plus the internet was down.
it was cold. hell-ass cold.


and, as we all know, the best thing to do when it's cold is make some delicious from-scratch chili that simmers its way to perfection over the course of the day. mine was made with garden black beans, farmers market veggies and lots of love.

we filled our day. there were stories read, naps taken, snacks munched, tickles,


songs hummed, (ani's present/infant, from her new album) (<-- track 3) blocks stacked, star wars watched ( the return of the jedi. yoda, jabba, darth vader and ewoks all in the same movie? plus a space battle? my kids think they've died and gone to heaven) and coffee sipped thoughtfully. i also made farmers market/ garden salsa. here's how.

• in the summer i gathered cilantro, onions, garlic, lemon juice, salt and hot peppers and threw them all in the blender. when the mixture was liquefied and burned my sinuses if i inhaled too close to it, i divided it up into baggies and froze them.
• i also processed a mountain of fresh corn and tomatoes and green peppers.
• yesterday i thawed a baggie of the salsa base, plus tomatoes and corn and green peppers. if i could have left the house i would have gotten avocado.
• i chopped the green peppers and tomatoes and mixed them into the base with the corn. then i pulled out the tortilla chips. i also mixed in some blue cheese, but many people would find that gross. many people are wrong.

i've been reading a cure for grief by nellie hermann. i'm not sure if i'll finish it. it's a good book - the author is clearly well educated and an adept writer. the pace is good, the prose is sparse and direct, the characters are relatable... but i feel like a peeping tom. the book is obvoiusly a thinly veiled autobiography. (the author's biography and the book match nearly perfectly.)

a cure for grief is 272 pages of pain. the protagonist lives through tradgedy after tradgedy, and every moment of her agony is expressed on the pages. it's not melodramatic or cheesy, at all. heartwrenching is more the word. and intensely personal. i feel guilty about reading something so private. hermann is a master of the english language andhas phenomenal skill as a writer, but this book is too visceral and too real to be read as entertainment.


of course, i can't read and drink coffee (and red wine mixed with cranberry juice) without knitting. my first project of 2009 was chosen to test my knitterly skills. i'm making hedera, from knitty. i'm over the moon that they're turning out. keeping track of a 4-row lace pattern when the little dudes are calling my attention away from the needles every few seconds is a real feat, i believe. on top of the complex stitch pattern, i though i'd try knitting these socks two at a time, toe-up. that's working out so far, too. and after so long using yarns i didn't like, dream in color's smooshy is pure bliss. the yarn is sproingy and soft and knits up quickly into a dense, smooth fabric with a subtle sheen. i'm not crazy about the colour, but the yarn itself is fantastic.
i haven't decided yet who i am making these for. on the one hand, i would love to show them off to everyone i see the way i've bragged on them here. then again, i don't have any nice shoes that would showcase them and so i'd have to pull off my boots or runners every time i wanted people to see them, and people might view me askance if i started pulling off my footwear on the bus and in the library and post office and grocery store. plus i'm not crazy about the colour. i don't have to decide just yet, i have a few more hours' work until i'm at the point where i decide what size they will be. you have until then to state your case in the comments.

souper!

we've been eating a lot of soup lately. it's cheap and filling and hot, and we're poor and (at dinnertime) hungry and cold. we've had rabbit soup, chili, and cheese, potato and broccoli soup this week. i'm going to share the cheese, broccoli and potato soup recipe with you.

note: all measurements and times are approximate since i hate measuring and timing things.

you will need:

• potatoes
• milk
• water
• broccoli
• cheese
• salt
• pepper

1. peel and chop up 4 - 6 potatoes
2. put them in a pot with 1/2 milk and 1/2 stock (soymilk and ricemilk don't work very well for this. i had to go to the store and get the smallest milk i could find. i haven't bought milk in at least a year. it felt odd.) (i used water instead of stock, it was fine)
3. simmer until the potatoes are cooked. simmer time depends on how small you chopped your taters. a lid on the pot is helpful.
4. while they're simmering chop up 1-2 cups of broccoli very fine. also shred about a cup of cheese. i like sharp cheddar, personally. and i used 2 cups of cheese because i'm a cheese fiend, but i don't think it needed it.
5. take about a cup of potatoes out of the pot and set them aside.
6. dump the contents of the pot into the blender and puree.
7. put the glop back into the pot. it's hard to get it out of the blender, since it's thick, so add some milk and slosh it around until you can get most of it out.
8. add the broccoli to the pot and as much milk as you need to keep it the right consistencey. i had to keep adding milk because it kept getting too thick.
9. cook the soup for a few minutes. less than 10, probably.
10. add in the potatoes you set aside before in step 5.
11. cook for another couple of minutes.
12. add in the cheese, plus some pepper and maybe some salt.
13. take it off the heat.
14. stir in the beautifully melting cheese.
15. serve right away, possibly with these biscuits.
16. enjoy!

see, i made it look all complicated and hard because i gave it 16 steps, but in reality it's very fast, easy, and idiotproof. and delicious. did i mention delicious?

as life goes on

so i got the job, then turned it down. it wasn't what i really want to be doing. i don't know what i want to be doing, but that definitley wasn't it. plus i still have 2 or 3 months of maternity leave left. why waste it?

and here is my peanut sauce recipe, for kara. because she needs it.

1/4 c  Hot water
1/2 c  Smooth peanut butter
1/3 c  Soy sauce
1/4 c  Lemon juice
1 ts Cayenne pepper
1/4 c  Brown sugar or honey

throw it all in the blender.
pour over steamed veggies & couscous, add to stir-fries,
make a salad dressing... there are no limits to this
sauce's potential.
use less cayenne if kids are going to be eating
it. or wimps. 

and so ends a boring post.

domestic bliss

i'll cheerfully rail against the comsumeristic infection that is valentine's day, but deep down i'm a pushover for celebrations of any kind, and i love surprises. so this year i made my dude a full day of delicious, homecooked food. we started with pink, heart-shaped baking powder biscuits for breakfast.

baking powder biscuits

• preheat oven to 400
• mix together:

2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

• then add:

1/3 cup oil
2 eggs
1/2 cup milk (water or soymilk are fine)

• mix as lightly as possible. the less you mix the higher they rise. if they turn out flat and thick it's your fault.
  
• turn out onto a floured surface and press until it's 1/2 an inch thick, ish. then cut out circles with the top of a wineglass.
• put circles on cookie sheet
• bake 12-15 minutes.
• mmmmm

for dinner we had lobster dipped in garlic butter. also wine. and vodka with pomegranate juice. then we spent the 15th nursing hangovers. but it was a great day.

~*~

yesterday i learned to knit. re-learned, actually. my friend showed me how to hold everything and how to cast on (which i've already forgotten) then was about to show me the stitches when my hands remembered what they haven't done in fifteen years, and i found myself knitting. it was awesome. by the time i left i was knitting, purling, adding stitches, taking off stitches, and ribbing. it was thrilling.
i'm going to get better at it then start making socks. the trouble with only buying ethical clothing is that socks are nearly impossible to find, and cost an arm and a leg. i can't afford ethical socks so i'll have to learn to make my own. i'll post pictures when there's something worth taking a picture of.

mmmm, bread

everyone should make this bread.

it's easier than baking cookies, i swear. and the beer flavour is subtle and delicious. i want to experiment with using apricot beer and adding in bits of dried apricot. but even without additions and modifications this bread is freaking amazing.

although it wouldn't make good sandwich bread. and the loaf is on the small side. but eating the whole loaf while it's still hot from the oven, with butter...